My Cats Daily Planner

5:00 AM - I wake up slowly. The nice leather couch is warm and cozy and the toss pillows are fluffy. I hear my humans coming down the stairs. I stretch and sink my sharp nails into the leather couch; oh! it feels so good! I must grab my owners before they leave for the gym; I have to tell them I have no food. Therefore, I meow loudly because they do not understand otherwise; humans are a little slow to catch up… 5:15 AM - my humans have left, and I still have no food. I go back to the couch and wait for them to come back. 6:00 AM - my humans are back from the Gym. Now I must really be loud and rub myself against them. I have to make sure they understand I have no food. Humans! What is their mission in life if not to feed us felines? 6:15 AM - my human male has filled the dish with food finally. He is a good human, it's just that it takes me more than 15 meows and 10 rubs against his leg to get him to understand. 6:30 AM - my human female is stroking my back. I need a massage every day at this time. I purr heavily and close my eyes. 7:00 AM - humans have left. The house is all mine and I can do whatever I want. I scratch the leather couch to sharpen my nails, I scratch the rug to make it nice and lumpy and bring a lot of the cat litter inside to make the floor less slippery. 5:00 PM - I hear keys turning on the door knob. I run underneath the dining table. Who knows, it could be a robber and it's better to be safe. Oh good! It is my human female. Time for my Afternoon Massage! 5:30 PM - human female has forgotten my afternoon massage. She is sitting at the computer desk! Can you believe the nerve? My massage is more important! I go to where she is sitting and sink my nails on her thigh to remind her of her duties! She is exasperated and is trying to push me away. She will not be the boss of me! I will not leave until I get my massage. I jump on her lap and tell her face to face that she must obey me and rub my back when I say so. She finally complies with my demands. 6:30 PM - doorbell rings. Every time doorbell rings, a stranger is coming in the house. I do not like strangers. Human female goes to open the door; therefore I must find a place to hide, and quick. I try to run fast, but my belly is heavy and momentum pushes me against the wall. My nails scratch the floor trying to keep traction. After slipping and sliding a few times I am able to escape to the second floor and I hide underneath the bed. 6:35 PM - Oh no! Human pups are here! I do not like strangers, but I really do not like human pups. They do mean things to me like pulling my tail or my whiskers. I must remain hidden and avoid this torture. They have left; I can finally leave my hiding place and get some food. The stress of this visit has made me really hungry. 8:00 PM - human male has arrived. We sit down on the couch to watch TV. I like to use human male’s leg as my pillow because it is very comfy. I get a real good massage to relieve the stress from the day. I close my eyes and I and I drift to dream land. I dream of endless food dishes and lot of butterflies to catch.